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Dates to Remember:
July 1 Communion Service
July 17 Fellowship of Hope – Trip to Eckert’s Farm, 10:30 a.m.
July 22 Book Club after worship
July 24 Consistory, 6 p.m.
Once or twice a year, it’s fun to have a newsletter article that’s…fun! The sole purpose of this month’s Pastor’s Corner is to have fun and laugh together. And make no mistake, laughter is holy.
What follows are excerpts from a book called Disorder in the American Courts (Marcelle Boren. Iwahu Publishing: email@example.com. 2016.) These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
May mercy, peace, love, and laughter be yours in abundance.
Lawyer: How far from the accident were you when it happened?
Witness: “36 feet, 2 and 1/4 inches.”
Lawyer: Nonsense. How can you be so precise?
Witness: Well, I knew some bloody fool would ask me, so I measured it.
Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 15.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Lawyer: Could you see him from where you were standing?
Witness: I could see his head.
Lawyer: And where was his head?
Witness: Just above his shoulders.
Lawyer: Now, Doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Lawyer: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask if you recognize that picture.
Witness: That’s me.
Lawyer: Were you present when that picture was taken?
Lawyer: Have you lived in this town all your life?
Witness: Not yet.
Lawyer: All your responses must be oral. What school did you go to?
Lawyer: You were not shot in the fracas?
Witness: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Bailiff: Please repeat after me: “I swear by Almighty God…”
Witness: “I swear by Almighty God.”
Bailiff: “That the evidence that I give…”
Witness: That’s right.
Bailiff: Repeat it.
Witness: “Repeat it.”
Bailiff: No! Repeat what I said.
Witness: What you said when?
Bailiff: “That the evidence I give…”
Witness: ‘That the evidence I give.”
Bailiff: “Shall be the truth and…”
Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth.
Bailiff: Please, just repeat after me: “Shall be the truth and…”
Witness: I’m not a scholar, you know.
Bailiff: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: “Shall be the truth and…”
Witness: “Shall be the truth and.”
Bailiff: Say, “Nothing…”
Witness: OK. (Witness remains silent.)
Bailiff: No! Don’t say nothing. Say: “Nothing but the truth…”
Bailiff: Can’t you say, “Nothing but the truth…”
Bailiff: Well, do so!
Witness: You’re confusing me.
Bailiff: Just say, “Nothing but the truth…”
Witness: OK, I understand.
Bailiff: Then say it.
Bailiff: “Nothing but the truth…”
Witness: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
Bailiff: Please, just repeat these four words: “Nothing.” “But.” “The.” “Truth.”
Witness: “Nothing. But. The. Truth.”
Bailiff: Thank you.
Witness: I’m just not a scholar
Fellowship of Hope Notes, June Meeting:
We began our meeting this month with a spirited devotional/discussion led by Barry, a continuation of the Sunday bulletin insert “Some questions we might ask ourselves——“ furnished by Pastor Audrey in our worship service. We all agreed we should keep the list handy to guide us in our daily interactions.
We extend thanks to Kevin and Cara Ahern for the wonderful breakfast they prepared Sunday in observance of Father’s Day. Everyone really enjoyed it, and we hope for even more participation in the future.
We chose some upcoming dates to forward to the Consistory for approval, but we still have some incomplete data which may mean making some changes. However, try to save dates for participation in our annual Lunch and Shopping excursion to Eckert’s Restaurant and Country Store on July 17 and for attending the Grizzlies Baseball Game August 10. We still plan a summer rummage sale, pending availability of our Fellowship Hall. Further information on all these activities will be shared during Sunday announcements as details are finalized.
Several of us continued our socializing over lunch at DeSoto Dairy Queen following the meeting. Hope you will join us next month Tuesday, July 17, for our trip to Eckert’s.
Consistory Notes, May Meeting:
There was no May Consistory meeting.
On July 22th we will discuss “Ruthless Tide” by Al Roker, please join us!
DeSoto Food Pantry, June Notes:
Our church generously donated 140 items to the DeSoto Food Pantry last month. Thank you all for your continued support! In July, please think about bringing in snack items for children who are more in need of nourishment when school in out during the summer months. If you’d like to volunteer to help the pantry staff pack up food boxes for an hour or two each month, please see the Muellers for more information.
A Note of Appreciation:
“Thank you all so very much for all of the concerned calls, cards, visits, prayers, and loving support you have shown to me during my time in the hospital. I love the beautiful quilt you all put your love into, it brings me strength and comfort daily.”
Hope Church has a Prayer Circle of five people who will lift prayers for a particular person or a troubling situation. We shall pray for the highest good. We do not need specific details, just a name or a general situation. At this point there are no restrictions of requests. To receive prayers for yourself or for a person/situation important to you, please call Pastor Audrey and she will activate the prayer circle for you.
***Please do not rely on the grapevine if you need pastoral care.***
If you are admitted to the hospital, or if you need pastoral care for any reason, please contact Pastor Audrey directly or designate a person to contact her directly. Please do not rely on the grapevine to get information to her. She cannot act on grapevine information, and sometimes the information doesn’t reach her at all.
Some Reminders & Invitations…
- Have a favorite CD you would like played as our pre-service music? Please contact Pastor to set a date for your music to be played. Pre-service CD music is played from 10-10:30
- No Children’s Sunday School in May, June, July, and August
- Adult Sunday School will continue during the summer months
- The Citizens’ Committee for Flood Relief meets on the second Monday of each month at 6:30pm at DeSoto Public Library on Main St
Don’t forget to give God thanks for your many blessings, to ask for forgiveness for your shortcomings, to implore God to bring peace to the world, to ask for equality and justice for all people in all things, to remember those less fortunate, to ask for guidance in doing God’s will!